TEXTAREA_ID
By Asma bint Shameem
In our eagerness to copy the West, we Muslims have adopted many of their practices which have no basis in the Sharee’ah. And among them is the practice of a woman changing her family name to that of her husband after she gets married.
The fact is that Islam does not require woman to change her name at marriage and there is nothing in the Sunnah to indicate that a woman should take her husband’s name after she gets married.
Actually, the Ulama tell us that this is an innovated practice that is not approved of in Islaam.
Now, I know some people will say…“ Oh, come on…What is the big deal?!!”
So read on and you will know what I mean….
The fact is that Islam does not require woman to change her name at marriage and there is nothing in the Sunnah to indicate that a woman should take her husband’s name after she gets married.
Actually, the Ulama tell us that this is an innovated practice that is not approved of in Islaam.
Now, I know some people will say…“ Oh, come on…What is the big deal?!!”
So read on and you will know what I mean….
The wives of the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) are the Mothers of the Believers, and the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam), is the noblest of people and the best example. And yet when we look at their example, we will realize that when the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) married any of his wives, NOT ONE of them took his name. On the contrary, each one of them kept her father’s name even if her father was a kaafir. Similarly, the wives of the Sahaabah and those who came after them did not change their names.
Did you ever think why they didn’t do that?
Surely, if it was a good thing, the wives of the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) would have done it and the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) would himself have instructed it and encouraged them to do it.
That is because it is Allaah’s order to keep your father’s name as an indication of your lineage.
Surely, if it was a good thing, the wives of the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) would have done it and the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) would himself have instructed it and encouraged them to do it.
That is because it is Allaah’s order to keep your father’s name as an indication of your lineage.
“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just with Allaah…” [al-Ahzaab 33:5].
And the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said: "Whoever calls himself by other than his father’s
name, will be cursed by Allaah, the angels and all the people." (Ibn Maajah -Saheeh by al-Albaani).
name, will be cursed by Allaah, the angels and all the people." (Ibn Maajah -Saheeh by al-Albaani).
And he (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) also said:
“Whoever knowingly claims to belong to anyone other than his father, Paradise will be denied him.” (Ahmad, al-Bukhaari, Muslim).
Now some might argue….“But the woman is not claiming that her father is someone else. She is just honoring her husband or she doesn’t mean it that way. She just wants to belong to her husband out of love for him.”
To those people I say….
If it was a matter of honor to have the husbands name attached to the wife’s, wouldn’t our Ummahaat have done that??
Isn’t it the biggest honor in the WORLD to have the name of the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) attached to yours?? And yet the wives of the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) didn’t do that.
Ever wonder why??
And if it was a matter of expressing love for the husband, no relationship between a husband and wife on the face of this earth was better than the relationship between the Prophet(Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) and his wives. And yet none of the Mothers of the Believers expressed their love for the Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) by changing their last names.
It doesn’t make any sense
The last name is an indication of the father of the person and represents the person’s lineage.
Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd said: “This is one of the beauties of Sharee’ah, because calling a person by his father’s name is more appropriate for knowing who is who and telling people apart…..” (Tasmiyat al-Mawlood, 30, 31).
The last name is an indication of the father of the person and represents the person’s lineage.
Shaykh Bakr Abu Zayd said: “This is one of the beauties of Sharee’ah, because calling a person by his father’s name is more appropriate for knowing who is who and telling people apart…..” (Tasmiyat al-Mawlood, 30, 31).
Originally, the woman is ‘the Daughter of So and so’, and NOT ‘the wife of So and so’. Since there is no blood relationship between the husband and wife, how can she take his last name as if she is part of the same lineage?
And surely, she is not claiming that he is her father!!!!
Also what happens if she gets divorced, or her husband dies, and she marries another man? Will she keep changing her surname every time she marries another man?
In addition to this, there are rulings attached to the woman being named after her father, which have to do with her inheritance, spending and who is her mahram, etc. Taking her husband’s last name overlooks all that.
Also what happens if she gets divorced, or her husband dies, and she marries another man? Will she keep changing her surname every time she marries another man?
In addition to this, there are rulings attached to the woman being named after her father, which have to do with her inheritance, spending and who is her mahram, etc. Taking her husband’s last name overlooks all that.
Also, if you think about it, the husband is named after his own father, and what does she have to do with the lineage of her husband’s father? This goes against common sense and true facts.
Besides, the husband has nothing that makes him better than his wife’s father. So why should she give up her father’s name and take her husband’s last name??
And why does the man get to keep his father’s name and not the woman??!!
It just doesn’t make any sense.
Besides, the husband has nothing that makes him better than his wife’s father. So why should she give up her father’s name and take her husband’s last name??
And why does the man get to keep his father’s name and not the woman??!!
It just doesn’t make any sense.
Sheikh Salih Al-Munajjid says:
“A woman changing her family name to that of her husband after she gets married is Haraam and is not allowed in Sharee’ah, because it is not permissible for anyone to claim to belong to anyone other than his or her father…… And Allaah knows best.” (www.islamqa.com)
“A woman changing her family name to that of her husband after she gets married is Haraam and is not allowed in Sharee’ah, because it is not permissible for anyone to claim to belong to anyone other than his or her father…… And Allaah knows best.” (www.islamqa.com)
Not only is it so in this world, but, we will also be called by our father‘s name in the Hereafter as well. The Prophet (Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam) said:
“On the Day of Resurrection, each betrayer will have a banner raised beside him, and it will be said, this is the betrayer of So and so, the son of So and so.” (Bukhaari, Muslim).
“On the Day of Resurrection, each betrayer will have a banner raised beside him, and it will be said, this is the betrayer of So and so, the son of So and so.” (Bukhaari, Muslim).
So, all you single females out there, don’t be in such a hurry to change your maiden name after you get married. And those of you who have already done that, it is never too late. Take back your maiden name and reclaim your identity. It is part of the Sharee’ah.
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please comment on the above mentioned blog
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table.. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
-----
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
please comment on the above mentioned blog
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table.. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce.
She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd.. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger.. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly.. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
-----
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
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